What to write in condolence letters? Examples of taboo words and condolence letters

Introduction

When we hear the news of a sudden death, our hearts ache and we are at a loss for words. At times like these, we want to convey our condolences to the deceased and our feelings of comfort to the bereaved family.

However, when it comes to putting it into words, many people find themselves at a loss as to what to say and how to say it.

Condolences are a sign of respect for the deceased and consideration for the bereaved family.

Therefore, it is strictly forbidden to use taboo words or inappropriate expressions.

Also, words and expressions that should be avoided may vary depending on the religion or sect.

In this article, we will explain in detail what to be careful about when choosing words of condolence and what words are taboo.

Let's learn together appropriate words of condolence that will pray for the repose of the deceased and provide some healing to the hearts of the bereaved family.

When sending condolence money and letters by mail

If you are unable to attend the wake or funeral due to work commitments or other reasons, it is common to send a condolence gift by mail, but you should also enclose a letter expressing your sincere sympathy for not being able to attend.

The condolence money should be placed in a condolence envelope, just like if you were to bring it in person, and sent by registered mail.

It is acceptable for the condolence envelope to have Mizuhiki printed on it. If you are not sure of the deceased's religious sect, please use one that says "Goreizen (present to the spirit of the deceased)."

Example letter

The condolence letter enclosed with the incense money should omit any salutations or seasonal greetings and start directly with the main text, such as "I am at a loss for words upon hearing the news of Mr./Ms. XX's passing."

It is common to use plain white letter paper and envelopes, and to limit letter paper to just one sheet.

Avoid stacking envelopes and choose envelopes with one layer instead.

When writing the address vertically on a Western envelope, it is good etiquette to close it from left to right, unlike regular envelopes.

Sample letter to accompany a condolence gift

I would like to offer my deepest condolences on the sudden tragic news of your mother's passing.

I sincerely sympathize with the deep distress that must be felt by Mr./Mrs. XX and his/her family.

I am very sorry that I am unable to attend the funeral as I live far away.

I have enclosed a small amount of incense as a token of my gratitude. I hope you will offer it at the altar.

We sincerely pray for the repose of your soul.

Example of a condolence letter to an acquaintance who learned of the death after the funeral

I am shocked to hear of your father's sudden passing.

I can hardly believe it, as I had heard that you were in good health despite your advanced age.

I cannot find words to comfort you and imagine how deeply your family must feel. I am especially sorry for your mother and how sad she must be.

I would like to visit as soon as possible, but it is difficult because it is located far away.

Please excuse me for expressing my condolences in writing. I have sent flowers separately, so please offer them at the deceased's grave.

We sincerely pray for the repose of your father's soul.

Taboo words to say at funerals

At funerals, words that "suggest continuing misfortune" are strictly prohibited.

This is a "taboo word."

Please note that words that should be avoided differ depending on the religion. It is important to be mindful of not only your choice of words in letters and condolence telegrams, but also in your direct use of language.

Layered words	Over and over again, repeatedly, more and more, frequently, again and again, more and more, and more and more.
Reminiscent of bad things	Again, continue, further, further, restless, etc.
Direct expression	Death, passing away, dying, living, alive, etc. For death and passing away, use "passing away," and for "alive," use "during one's lifetime."
Exaggerated expression	What a disaster, outrageous, etc.
Words that sound ominous	Four, nine, etc.
Words not used due to religion	"Happy birthday," "memorial service," "attainment of enlightenment," "going to heaven," "Buddha," and other terms are Buddhist terms, and are therefore only used in Buddhist funerals. In Christianity, words such as "mourning" and "sympathy" are also not used.

The Culture of Telegrams

Even in today's world where the Internet is widespread, the culture of telegrams still remains, perhaps due to its formal beauty and deep connection to traditional Japanese culture.

Telegrams were introduced during the Meiji period and were initially used mainly between government agencies and companies, but later became widely used by the general public.

With the development of telephones and the Internet, their use has decreased significantly, but they are still used to send congratulatory telegrams and condolence telegrams on special occasions such as weddings and funerals.

Telegrams can be delivered anywhere in Japan on the same day as the order is placed, and in some cases they may reach the recipient just a few hours after the order is placed.

Telegrams are useful when you want to convey your condolences as quickly and reliably as possible.

In recent years, the number of services that allow you to easily send telegrams over the Internet has increased, and telegrams themselves continue to change with the times.

How to send a condolence telegram

If you live far away or are unable to attend the wake or funeral for some reason, you should send an incense offering and a condolence telegram.

To apply for a service with NTT, dial 115 (no area code) or simply apply online.

You can choose from sample condolence messages or write your own.

The sender's name should be included at the end of the communication, as it may be read out at the funeral.

The name should be that of the chief mourner, but if the chief mourner is unknown, it should be written as "To the family of the deceased Mr./Mrs. XX." We will arrange for the letter to arrive no later than the day before the funeral.

Free mounts are available for funerals, but for an additional fee in addition to the telegram fee, you can choose items such as pressed flowers, embroidery, lacquerware, or ones that come with incense.

Telegram example

-We would like to offer our deepest condolences on the passing of your dear father (or mother, husband, wife, etc.).
・We would like to express our deepest condolences upon hearing of the passing of Mr./Ms. XX. We are deeply grateful for the kindness shown to us during his/her lifetime, and we would like to pray for the repose of his/her soul.
We would like to express our deepest condolences on your passing and pray for the repose of your soul.
・We offer our deepest condolences on hearing of your passing.
・I would like to express my deepest condolences on the sad news. All I can remember is your smiling face when you were healthy. I hope that you will pass away peacefully, and I offer my heartfelt condolences.